Grace

I have always had a difficult time with grace. I struggle so much with accepting it. I just don't understand it. And that is why I love it so much. I feel like we aren't meant to understand it and that is the beauty of it. It is so in our human nature that we require something in return and it is so not in God's. I love that.

It hurts because despite my love of grace I am always fighting that feeling that I need to do something in return for it. When I mess up and sin, which is often, I feel awful and feel undeserved of this grace. But that is the whole point of it. This just blows my mind and moves me to tears.

Grace makes me want to give my entire life to God, everything. And then it really hits me. What I love most about grace. That I don't have to, that grace doesn't require anything from me. It doesn't require anything of you or anyone. Grace covers us all; those that are apparent sinners and know it and those that hide their sins behind the veil of being a holy "Christian" ( I am ashamed to admit that I fall under the latter more often then not ). Grace covers the sins of Billy Graham and those of the suicide bombers on 9/11. It covers the sins of all, indiscriminately.

This makes me want to tell the whole world about this amazing grace. As I sit here and listen to the oh so talented Sufjan Stevens play a cover of it I am just reminded of it's power. We are all under it's power: the murderers, the thieves, the greedy, the prideful, those who ignore the injustice in the world ( I have a problem with loving these people which I am trying oh so hard to change), the sexual abusers, the rapists, those who torture and those like me who judge. We are all under this saving grace. Every last one of us.